Chi Chis' Sex Problem
by Brenman
Summary: Chi Chi wants some, but Goku's always busy training or eating. What does the crazy pan wielding woman have to do to have sex with her husband.
1. What's a Woman to do?

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. I don't even own a car.

Brenman: This fic is something I thought up on the bus one day, because I don't have a car. It's about what Chi Chi has to do to make Goku, who is always busy eating or training, have sex with her.

Chi Chis' Sex Problems

Chapter 1: What's a woman to do.

Goku, the earths greatest defender, and his son Goten, the earths greatest set of puppy dog eyes, sat on the banks of one of the many streams that ran near their dome-like house. Gokus' eldest son Gohan, the earths greatest nerd, was inside studying. Gokus' wife Chi Chi, the worlds greatest frying pan wielder, was also inside making dinner.

Goku and his youngest son were watching the clouds drift by in the rapidly darkening sky. The two saiyans pointed out certain clouds that look like identifiable objects. "Look dad," Goten would say, "That one looks like Uncle Vegeta chasing Trunks around the house for stealing his muffin." or Goku would say, "Goten, that one looks like a seventeen course meal. Mmmmmm... Food."

The evening was serene, the sun was getting ready to set off on the horizon. The night was perfectly calm, until...

"GOKU, GOTEN, DINNERS READY." The calm air was rent by the painfully loud one million decibel scream of the harpy demon known as Son Chi Chi. Upon hearing the call of the beast the two Son males ran towards the house at full speed, without transforming into super saiyans. They both reached the house in around 0.000001 seconds.

Chi Chi never bothered to turn around as she told her family to go upstairs and wash up for dinner. She could hear the three sets of feet rush up the stairs and pound into the bathroom. Goku was the first one down to the kitchen. He made his presence known to his black haired wife the only way his food addled mind could come up with. That would be by creating a large puddle of drool on the floor. There was food on every available square inch of the table. the food that wouldn't fit on the table was sitting on the counter. Goku looked longingly at a large vat of rice that was on the table in front of him. Goku positioned himself in front of the rice so he looked like an olympic diver about to make his move. He began bending his knees when...

CLANG

Goku looked up from his brand new position on the floor to where he was holding the top of his head. Upon closer inspection, and after his vision had cleared up Goku wasn't at all surprised to find his wife standing over his with a 4 foot wide caste iron novelty frying pan that she had found at joke store last week. The frying pan had become a favorite with the Son matriarch as she could use it to not only cook great amounts of food at once, but she could also hit all three son males over the head with it at the same time.

Goku got up off the floor while still massaging the lump that was forming and would be gone by next scene change. But that's beside the point. Goku looked over at his stern faced wife and put on his best set of puppy eyes the same way as Mr. Potato Head would put on a smile. "Aww come on Chi. Just one little bite." Goku pleaded.

Chi Chis' eyes narrowed and she let out a growl, "No Goku, we're waiting until the boys get down here." She scolded her husband, "Where are those two anyway? They should have been down here by now. What's taking them so long?" Chi Chi glanced over at the bottom of the stairs.

Goku opened his mouth fully intending on telling Chi Chi where her 'delinquent' children were. The tall warrior never could get the words out because at that second, one of Gokus' hands, acting on its own accord, chose that chance while Gokus' mouth was open and Chi Chi was looking the other way to grab a couple of rice balls and stuff them in his mouth. Chi Chi turned around scowling to find two of her rice balls disappearing down into the bottomless pit that was otherwise known as her husbands stomach or in certain fast food cashiers circles, the scourge of Mc capsule corp. Legend has it that every Friday the fourteenth, an evil spirit from the under world would come to a Mc Capsule Corp. and eat all the food along with some of the helpless cashiers or even the janitor. That is of course an urban legend and has never been proven.

Chi Chi deepened her growling and started inching towards Goku, who was cowering in the far corner of the kitchen now. Just as Chi Chi was about to attack she was interrupted by a yell from her eldest son at the bottom of the stairs. Chi Chi looked up to find a soaking wet Gohan and a laughing Goten. The youngest Son was running around the living room now being chased by a very angry Gohan, "Hey Gohan. what's the matter? Didn't you like my prank?" Goten yelled over his shoulder.

"Goten," Gohan yelled exasperatedly, he stopped chasing his brother after their two hundredth lap around the couch. "That wasn't a prank Goten. Pranks are supposed to be clever, stealthy, or overly elaborate in some way. Waiting in the bathtub with the shower hose and spraying the next person to walk in to the room in none of those things." Gohan turned away from his brother and walked into the kitchen to get his food before his father ate it all.

-- That night --

Dinner had gone the same as usual, every scrap of food had been eaten messily and quickly, and there had been a small food fight that Chi Chi had to break up when Trunks had flown over all the way from Capsule Corp. just to throw some soup at Goten. That was of course canned soup if you were wondering.

Trunks had been sent home after playing video games (The Adventures of Larry the Bunny Rabbit in Death Land) with Goten for a couple hours and Chi Chi was currently getting in her first relaxing moments of the day. She was curled up in bed with a book (Cooking enough food to feed west city for not very smart people) and a glass of milk. Chi Chi looked up from chapter 3 (Pastas) to see her husband walking into the room. He started pulling off his training clothes before plopping himself on the bed with no sheets. The bed had to have no sheets. There was a very good reason for why the bed had no sheets.

Flash Back

Goku walked into the master bedroom and the first thing he saw was Chi Chi kneeling beside a... Giant Cake with pink icing. Gokus' mouth began to water, it looked so yummy. Goku couldn't hold out any longer, he pounced on the bed the same way a tiger would pounce on an unsuspecting bag of catnip (Strong enough for a Lion, but made for a Kitten).

Chi Chi had to go out and buy a new bed the next day, and take Goku to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. Chi Chi had explained the problem to the doctor, but after a cursory examination they had found that most of the bed had already been digested. It was later posted in the next edition of the West City Science Journal that beds were a high source of Carbs and had such vitamins as; A, B, C, E, and an abundance of Iron. It was found that they really put a spring in your step.

Goku submitted a critique of it in a local newspaper under the saturday food column, and I quote

'It was a bit stale, and didn't have quite the flavor I was expecting, but over all I found it very enjoyable, and given another chance, I would definitely try it again.'

(Recipes for the Giant Pink Mattress Cake can be found in chapter 6 of your 'Cooking enough food to feed west city for not very smart people' along side other great baked delights such as, the ever popular Kitchen Table Cookie.)

End Flash Back

Goku crawled under the sheets and snuggled into the bed. He was all ready to fall asleep when he felt his wife prod him in the back. He turned over to look at her with a quizzical expression on his face. "Yeah Chi?" He asked.

Chi Chi looked at her husband with a hopeful expression on her face. "Goku honey," Chi Chi began in a low husky voice, "What say we stay up a little later tonight." Chi Chi implied to her husband and gave him a little wink.

"But Chi Chi, why would we do that, we have to get up early in the morning and I'm ready to go to bed now." Goku almost whined to his wife. "Chi, is there something wrong with your eye? I thought your supposed to blink them both at once. I've never blinked my eyes separately. At least I don't think I have, But I'm not always looking in the mirror when I blink. Maybe I do blink my eyes separately sometimes. Chi Chi have you ever seen me blink my eyes separately?"

Chi Chi slapped herself in the face and groaned at her husbands childlike innocence. She guessed that she'd have to take this to the next step. "Goku, let's have sex." She demanded while making sure to be as straight forward as possible.

"Aww, I don't know Chi Chi, I'm pretty tired after all my training today and I have to get up extra early tomorrow to do it all over again. You never know when some bad guy is going to come and try to kill all of us." Goku said earnestly to his wife. He then turned over and flicked the lamp off, throwing Chi Chis' scowling face into the dark. "Besides, I don't think that having sex will fix the problem of blinking with only one eye. Maybe..." Goku continued to ramble on to himself far a while before Chi Chi told him to shut his cake hole. Naturally this shut Goku up. Not because he realized that she wanted him to, but because he was now too preoccupied with thinking about cakes.

The angry horny woman growled and turned over to get some sleep. It had been happening like this every night for the past four months. Maybe she should go over to Bulma's tomorrow and ask her if she had any ideas. Her last thought before she drifted off to sleep was, 'I hope he doesn't try to eat me in his sleep again.'

Brenman: Next Chapter, Chi Chi gets some ideas. Let the Scheming begin.


	2. Flash Backs and Clouds

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z. (wow, that's original)

Brenman: Today Chi Chi goes to Capsule Corp. Yippee (in a very bored sounding voice.)

Chapter 2: Flash Backs and Clouds.

Chi Chi was currently sitting on the flying Nimbus floating across the continent on her way to Bulma's house in West city and thinking about that morning. Breakfast had passed normally, or as normally as it could with three saiyans. Goten had made an amazing discovery that morning, if you fill all the holes in a waffle with syrup and then throw it a Gohan, he gets mad. As I said, Breakfast was normal. Before she had left Chi Chi had explained to her family where she was going and that they would be on their own for lunch. She had to specifically forbid them from entering the kitchen when they want to have lunch. Last time Chi Chi had left the three on their own to make lunch it was a disaster. Chi Chi would never forget what happened on that particular occasion.

Flash Back

Chi Chi walked into the house. She had just gotten home from her annual health examination and she was perfectly healthy. She was always perfectly healthy, must be all that fresh country air. Chi Chi walked towards her kitchen to begin making supper for her three hungry boys when she first noticed it, 'What's that funny smell'. The middle aged woman walked into the kitchen to find the three son males sitting on the floor around the remains of the kitchen table. Apparently they didn't know how to use the stove so they opted to use the table as kindling and were now roasting a large fish over the flames.

"Son Goku," Chi Chi screamed at the childish man, "What have you done to my kitchen? Put that fire out right now." The black haired woman continued screaming at her husband until he tried to put out the fire. that's when the extra screaming started. Goku tried to put the fire out by using a well aimed ki blast, And it worked at first. The attack extinguished the fire, but it also started a bunch of smaller fires all around the kitchen. Naturally Goku tried to put these out the same way, until the entire kitchen was on fire. Chi Chi ran out of the house screaming. The Ox Princess figured she was about ten metres from the house when Goku decided to try and put all the fires out at once. That was the last Chi Chi saw of that house. Chi Chi made Goku go out shopping with her for a new capsule house the next day.

End Flash Back

Chi Chi went over a check list in her head, 'Make sure they don't enter the kitchen, check. No ki blasts in the house, check. No hiding any of her frying pans while she was gone, check. It's to bad I had to leave my giant frying pan at home because it wouldn't fit in my dimensional pocket, oh well. Anyway, no trying to rotate the earth in the opposite direction to see if the superman theory was correct.' Chi Chi could still remember this episode in her life as well.

Flash Back

Chi Chi was sitting on the couch watching the T.V. to try and find out what in the world was going on. A news reporter walked on to the screen and began talking about the featured story.

"Behind me you can see Satan city, as it is now approaching the forty-ninth hour that the sun hasn't moved an inch in the sky. As of yet, no scientists can figure out what it is exactly that has caused the earth to stop rotating."

Chi Chi watched the T.V. for another half an hour as the reporter tried to find as many ways as possible to say the same thing over and over and over again. suddenly the reporter put his hand up to his ear,

"Wait, wait, this just in, we have confirmation that the earth has begun rotating again."

Chi Chi turned the T.V. off just as her family walked back into the house. "Where have you guys been for the last two days" she scolded with her hands on her hip.

End Flash Back

Chi Chi shook her head as she tried to rid her self of the unpleasant memory. She noticed the Nimbus had begun its decent, she heard over a conveniently placed speaker, "This is your captain speaking, please buckle your seat belts and make sure all your seat back tables are in their upright and locked positions, we are currently making our decent into Capsule Corporations where the weather is currently sunny with a slight chance of being attacked by Vegeta. Thank you for flying Nimbus airlines and we hope you have a pleasant stay in West city." Chi Chi blinked. Then she blinked again. 'I didn't know Nimbus could do that.' She thought to her self.

"Wow, Nimbus has a captain now. That's odd, I don't see any stewardesses." Chi Chi said once she had recovered her voice after the shock.

"Excuse me lady, but where have you been for the last decade. They are called flight attendants, not stewardesses. Geez." Chi Chi looked down at the rude little speaker and growled. 'stupid cloud, starting to get an attitude I see. I wonder if it's scared of frying pans... Yet.'

Chi Chi climbed off the yellow cloud when it stopped and the captain had removed the fasten seat belts sign. Chi Chi watched the cloud fly off into the sky to do what ever it is living clouds do, probably to get it on with another cloud and make some rain. The raven haired woman looked around the yard and then walked towards the large yellow house to see her blue haired friend.

Chi Chi walked into the kitchen from the back yard through the sliding glass door. From what Chi Chi could see Vegeta was as usual chasing Trunks around the house for some reason, "Get back here you little brat." Chi Chi could hear Vegeta yelling somewhere from the general vicinity of the living room that both saiyans had just run into from the kitchen.

"Hey Bulma." Chi Chi called out.

"Oh, hi Chi Chi." Bulma called back when she had turned around from the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in her hands. "What brings you here?" She asked.

"Not much, I've just got to ask you if you have any ideas about something." Chi Chi said, "So, what's Trunks done this time?" The black haired woman asked the Blue haired woman.

"Oh, the usual. Trunks got a call from Goten a couple minutes ago, something about waffles, and it escalated from there." Bulma said calmly as if this sort of thing happened every day. Which it probably did. "What do you need Ideas for?"

"Well, How do I put this?" Chi Chi began and dropped her voice to a whisper, "Lately Goku hasn't been putting out, if you know what I mean. I was just wondering if you had any bright Ideas about how to get him to want to have sex with me." Chi Chi blushed at having to tell her friend about this sort of problem. The two women turned when they saw Vegeta and Trunks standing in the doorway with identical expressions on that showed they were both about to explode if they didn't stop holding their laughter in. The two saiyan males ran out of the house in the opposite direction from the women and burst out laughing before they could make it out of the house.

"Anyway," Chi Chi said slowly, "any idea what that was about?" the Son woman asked.

"Well if I had to guess, I'd say that they both just heard what you said and are going out to see how they can ruin your life with the knowledge, but that's just my guess."

Chi Chi looked uncomfortable for a second, she took a deep breath and calmed down, "Bulma, you must have some sort of Ideas about what I can do to fix our sex life. The way you and Vegeta fight all the time you must have a hard time getting your stuff on." Chi Chi stated.

Bulma just laughed, "No, Vegeta and I fight all the time because we enjoy it. As for sex, we do it all the time, we've already done it four times today. Once in the bedroom, once in the shower, once on the way down for breakfast, and once in the gravity room."

Chi Chi had her mouth open for a couple minutes after Bulma said this. "Wow." was all she could get out. Eventually she found her voice again, "I-i-is every day like this?" She queried.

"Ummm..." Bulma thought for a second, "yeah, pretty much. why?"

"No reason." Chi Chi said and began blushing.

"Come with me." Bulma said and walked into the living room. Chi Chi followed after her and saw Bulma pick up a pad of paper and a pencil. Bulma sat down on the large couch and stretched out, she looked at Chi Chi and motioned to the other couch. Chi Chi gratefully sat down on it. "Okay, lets begin jotting down Ideas and see how far we can go."

"Thanks Bulma." Chi Chi said graciously, "I hope we'll be able to come up with something that will get his blood boiling."

Bulma giggled and began tapping the eraser of her pencil on the tip of her chin, "I'm sure we can Chi. Now, let's get started. You could..."

The women spent the next three hours either brain storming ideas about how to get Goku to fuck Chi Chis' brains out, or drinking piña coladas and getting caught in the brain. (bad pun? Rain storm / Brain storm? Did anyone get that?)

Chi Chi walked out the back door of Capsule Corporation and waved at Bulma over her shoulder. "Bye Bulma, and thanks for all the help. I'll keep you updated about whether or not any of these ideas work. Nimbus." Chi Chi called out to the family mini-van. Chi Chi watched the cloud zoom down and stopped abruptly in front of the middle aged...

CLANG

...young beautiful charming woman. After the cloud had stopped it took Chi Chi a couple of seconds to fully take in the scene in front of her. The normally yellow cloud was now Black with flames running down the sides. It was sporting a hood scoop (Without having a hood?), A large spoiler, red undercarriage lights, a large muffler, and a red racing seat complete with a five point racing harness. The most intelligent thing Chi Chi could think to say at that particular moment was, "Okay." very very slowly, Chi Chi climbed into the racing seat carefully and took her time trying to figure out how the seat belt worked. After experimenting for a couple minutes the crazy woman managed to get the seat belt on and the Nimbus took off in the direction of the Sons mountain home with all forty-nine speakers blazing.

After a pretty uneventful two hour flight Chi Chi climbed down from her cloud and walked over to her small two story house. Chi Chi opened the door only to be knocked over and covered in some sort of blue stuff. Chi Chi crawled out from under the substance and turned to look at her house, only to find that her house was full, and I mean completely full of Viagra (I don't own Viagra. Nor do I need it.). Chi Chi groaned, well it looked like she had found what Vegeta and Trunks had done.

Brenman: How is it so far? Next chapter. Chi Chi begins her attack on Gokus' libido.


	3. Revenge and Chi Chi on the Attack

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ (with the sound of a banana being eaten whole by a Beluga whale.)

Brenman (in a really deep voice): Today on DBCCSP our 'heroine' Chi Chi will begin her systematic attack on her bumbling husband, Gokus' libido. Can she do it? Will Goku boink her? or will the housewife be doomed to a life of, ummm... not sex.

Chapter 3: Revenge and Chi Chi on the Attack.

Chi Chi looked down at the small scrap of paper in her hand. She read it over to her self once more, 'Things to do. Get revenge on Vegeta, seduce Goku, take Nimbus to a psychiatrist.' Chi Chi looked up from her list with an evil grin on her face. She cupped her hands over her mouth, "Flying Nimbus."

The yellow cloud zoomed down and stopped in front of the housewife. Chi Chi briefly took notice that the yellow cloud was adorned in a tuxedo and top hat with a short cane and a monocle today. 'Maybe I should change the order on my list.' she thought to herself absentmindedly as she climbed on board. "Nimbus, can you take me to Satan city mall." the nimbus seemed to nod somehow and shot off in the direction of their intended destination.

Chi Chi jumped off the Nimbus in a sparsely populated area so that she wouldn't get many odd looks from those few people that weren't used to seeing people ridding around on clouds. The house wife marched through the mall with a purposeful stride towards her favorite store. She looked up as she approached it to read the sign. 'Cookware, Weaponry, and Study Equipment.' The psychotic woman grinned evilly up at the sign before she stomped into the store and up to the cash register, which happened to be being operated by a 'sturdy' looking woman. The clerk looked up and saw Chi Chi on the warpath, "Hello Mrs. Son, what can I do for you?"

"I'm here to buy, IT." Chi Chi said mysteriously. The store clerk gulped involuntarily and tried to suppress a shudder.

"Follow me." She said with a shaky voice. The employee walked out from behind the counter and Chi Chi followed her to the back of the store. The two women entered a storage room and Chi Chi saw the woman walk up to a solid steel vault. The woman punched in a code, inserted a key that was around her neck, and spun in a four number code on the combination lock before she turned the handle and swung the door open. sitting inside was a gleaming frying pan. "Have you broken yours already?" The clerk asked.

"Oh no," Chi Chi said evilly and grinned, "It's a gift."

Chi Chi grabbed the pan and marched back out of the mall and flew off home on the Nimbus, who was now in a teletubbies costume. The purple one.

Chi Chi was sitting in the living room thinking how to pull off her plan when Gohan walked into the room. 'Perfect' Chi Chi thought, 'I can completely and utterly destroy two birds with one stone.', "Gohan", the diabolical scheming devious woman said in a sugary sweet voice that had the effect of raising the hairs on the back of Gohans neck and killing some cattle on the other side of the continent, "Could you go over to Bulmas' for me and pick up you brother, and I would like you to give this to Bulma for me." Chi Chi handed a capsule to Gohan and walked into the kitchen.

"Okay, what's in the capsule?" Gohan said, always happy to help. when it became apparent that he wasn't getting an answer the teen threw the capsule in his pocket and flew out of the house and towards Capsule Corp. Ten minutes later Gohan descended into the backyard of his godmothers house. He could see the two evil chibis playing there favorite game, 'who can get more beat up by Vegeta' and Goten was winning. Gohan rushed over to rescue his brother from the homicidal alien. "Hey Bro," he called out, "You ready to go."

"Sure Gohan." Goten called out. he rushed over and began using his brother like a jungle gym. Gohan and his cling on walked into the house to find Bulma. It wasn't to hard, she was in her lab. "Where are you going Gohan? Home is in the other direction.

"Were going to find Bulma." Gohan stated and began looking in some rooms for her.

"Aunty Bulma's in her lab." Goten said matter of factly. Gohan made a Beeline for the labs so they could get home in time for supper. Gohan walked into Bulmas' largest lab and saw the blue haired scientist sitting at one of the work benches. "Hi Bulma."

"Hello Gohan, and why am I graced with your appearance?" Bulma asked the geeky teen.

"My mom told me to give this to you." Gohan held out the capsule and Bulma picked it up.

"Do you know what it is?" She asked looking at it curiously.

"Nope, my mom didn't say any thing about it." Gohan replied with a shrug of his shoulders. Goten, who had the great fortune to be sitting on his brothers right shoulder at the time, was sent flying through the air on a brand new exciting adventure and promptly got lodged in the ceiling.

"Wow, Gohan, Trunks' bedroom looks so cool from this angle." Goten happily chimed. His voice was a bit muffled by the floor between them, but still easy to hear.

"Sorry about that," Gohan said hastily to Bulma and jumped up to pull Goten out of the ceiling.

"Don't worry about it." Bulma said.

Goten shook his head, "Aunty Bulma could you tell Trunks that I found his second gamebox controller. Its under the pile of used underwear."

The scientist nodded and clicked the button on the capsule and threw it to the ground just as Gohan as his brother drifted down from the ceiling. They all watched in curiosity as there was a cloud of smoke, and out popped a frying pan with a note attached to it and a little red bow. The two demi-saiyans screamed like little girls and bolted out of the house in terror.

The twin screams that the two demi-saiyans let go were so high pitched and loud that they caused an avalanche and Trunks' collection of used underwear fell through the hole in the ceiling and almost buried Bulma. After she had extricated herself from the pile of undies Bulma turned back to the gift.

Bulma walked over and pulled the note off the pan. It read, 'Dear Bulma. I thought you might be able to make some use of this gift. Have fun. Chi Chi.' Bulma smiled evilly and walked out side to see what the effect the instrument of terror would have on her husband. She arrived in the back yard to see the retreating backs of Vegeta and Trunks flying away at a very fast speed just behind Gohan and Goten.

"Oh well." she said to no one in particular, "They'll be back." She began stroking the frying pan lovingly.

-- Back with Chi Chi Just After Gohan Left --

"My revenge shall be complete." The evil woman laughed heartily and moved onto planning on what to do with her husband.

Chi Chi walked outside when she heard her husband land in front of the house. "Goku are you done your training for the day?" She asked sweetly.

"Yep. I got a good work out today. I was training with Piccolo. He's a good sparring partner, but ha can be grumpy sometimes. Is dinner ready? What are we having? Is it good?" Goku was rambling on about random stuff that pertained to dinner, and Chi Chi didn't care about that. She decided to cut him off.

"Goku, yes dinners ready, we're having every known type of food, like usual, and yes it's good, you think all food is good." Chi Chi said in a cheery voice, but then her face glazed over, "But you aren't coming in my house smelling like that. Go have a bath." Chi Chi turned around and walked back into the house.

Goku smelled his arm pit and almost fell over because of his sensitive saiyan nose. "She's right, I do smell. Not that I shouldn't expect that, I have been training hard all day. I deserve a good relaxing bath." Goku stopped talking to himself and waltzed off to the side of the house to run his bath. "I think a hot bath would do. That way I could loosen up my muscles. Oh and I can't wait for dinner..."

Chi Chi meanwhile crept out the back door of the house and slowly made her way towards the bathing area. She looked around the side of the house and saw her husband undressing. She stared at him for a couple of seconds, mesmerized by his body. The sight of all those muscles made her blood boil. She quietly began to undress herself, and when she was completely naked looked around the corner again. She could see her husband sitting in the family bathing barrel. Chi Chi could see the top of his muscular chest poking out of the water and licked her lips. She decided to make her move when she saw Goku had his eyes closed and was leaning back letting the heat permeate his aching muscles.

Chi Chi tip toed across the lawn and climbed into the bath with her husband. "Chi Chi?" Goku asked after opening his eyes. The tall saiyan sounded confused and innocent. "What are you doing here?" Goku looked around as if he's expecting to see someone jump out of some bushes and say 'Three plus four minus five times the square root of Vegeta is equal to Oolong times the hypotenuse of Freezas eyelids. And if Piccolo is equal to Gohan plus half of Mr. Popo and King Kai is half of Majin Buu, who is two and a half Gohans' then Piccolo must be equal to King Kai. assuming that Mr. Popo is half of Gohan' which, needless to say would be very weird and just about the only thing that could confuse Gokus' tiny little mind at this time more then it already was.

-- Back on this side of reality (if you can call it that with Chi Chi around) --

Chi Chi licked her lips sexily and looked at Goku. In a husky voice she said, "I'm just here for a bath, and maybe a little more." She winked and began rubbing Gokus' chest with her hands. Running them up and down the wash board stomach. Chi Chi felt Goku put his hands on her hips and she smiled happily. 'Finally she thought. Bulmas' got some good ideas. The first ones' got him going for me.'

Chi Chi purred as she felt Goku begin to move his hands up her sides. Then she felt him grab her and spin her around. Goku grabbed the bar of soap off a very conveniently placed pedestal beside the bath and began lathering up Chi Chis' back. "This is a great Idea Chi Chi. If we take baths together, we can wash each others backs." the clueless saiyan finished rinsing off his wife's back and turned around himself. "Now you can do mine."

Chi Chi sighed. "Goku, this isn't what I had in mind." Chi Chi said in an exasperated voice.

"Huh?" Goku grunted, "What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking sex." Chi Chi said dryly in what was a failed attempt to keep some sense of sensuality.

"But Chi, I don't have time for that, you said dinner was ready and I'm starving." Goku began whining and realized he had already spent to much time in the bath. "Wow Chi Chi. Thanks for reminding me about dinner." Goku jumped out of the bath and powered up to dry off. He ran inside to throw some clean clothes on and eat dinner.

Chi Chi sighed and sank down into the bath water. Taking a couple deep calming breaths she climbed out of the bath and began drying herself off with a pink fluffy towel. 'Oh well. on to plan B then. One of these plans has to work. Right?' Chi Chi thought to her self as she walked into the house.

Goku was sitting at the table eating when Chi Chi came down the stairs fully dressed. Just as she walked into the kitchen her two sons barged in through the door and ran passed her into the magical room where all the food is at certain times of the day. (Mysterious.)

Chi Chi continued on her way into the kitchen to hear Goku saying, "So how about it you two, want to spar after supper?" Chi Chi heard a couple of affirmative food garbled grunts and sighed. This may just turn out to be harder then she thought it would be.

After Dinner Chi Chi stood in the Kitchen cleaning the plethora of dishes and looking out the window above the sink watching her family dukeing it out in front of the house. Chi Chi began mentally going over the list that Bulma had helped her make up. 'now what could possibly work, and which one could I do right away?' She thought to her self she dismissed a couple as being either not possible at the current time, or a bit overkill. 'Ah, I have the perfect one. Yes it will do nicely, very nicely.' Chi Chi hurriedly finished up her chores and began preparing.

-- With the Witless Wonder --

Goku walked back into the house after beating up his two children in a sparring match and sped into the kitchen to grab himself a sports drink. ("It much better tasting and much better for me") After grabbing his drink Goku closed the refrigerator door and only briefly noted that something was missing, but he couldn't put his finger on what exactly it was.

Goku drank his sports drink in one gulp and then stomped up stairs to get some sleep. He would need his strength tomorrow. He had something special planned, more training! Yay!

Goku opened his bedroom door and walked inside, he closed the door behind him and looked around the room. 'So that's what was missing.' Goku thought. "Chi Chi you naughty girl." Goku said out loud.

Chi Chi giggled. She was currently lying on the bed dressed in only a towel with a can of whipping cream in her hands. She began to shake it with a smooth back and forth motion. Goku looked really excited. "Come here Goku, I have a treat for you." Chi Chi put on her sexy voice once more, she was sure he was taking the bait this time.

Goku sauntered over to lye down on the bed next to her. He began undressing slowly until he was only clad in his Underwear with little pictures of Bulma, Launch and 18 all over them. Goku looked over at his wife seductively and began looking down her body.

Chi Chi saw his eyes settle on her breasts, "Is this what you want?" she gestured to her ample chest. Chi Chi saw her husband nod twice. Chi Chi smiled, 'It's working!' she thought. "Well then, come and get it." she said.

"Okay." Goku said and reached forward towards Chi Chis' chest and grabbed the can of whip cream from her hands, which she had been holding over her boobies. "all right. Chi Chi, you can be so much fun sometimes." Goku said excitedly and began spraying the entire can into his mouth and eating it happily.

Chi Chi sighed. There was another plan down the drain, because Goku was either hungry or his training got in the way. 'Oh well, if none of our simpler plans work, and I do have a few more, I could always move on to the more drastic measures.' the raven haired lady thought.

After Goku had finished consuming the can of whipped cream he turned off the bedside light and settled into bed for a good nights rest. Visions of whipped cream danced in his head.

"Well, I guess I just have to accept the fact that perhaps I may never have sex again."

-- Some Where in a Dark Room of Capsule Corp --

The spiky black haired grown saiyan prince and his purple floppy haired chibi clone sat in the dark room plotting revenge on the one that had given the infernal woman that damn frying pan. They would make her rue the day when she retaliated against them just because they had filled her house full of Viagra. Things were about to get messy.

"Trunks."

"Yeah dad?"

"I think I have a plan."

Brenman: Do you like it so far. Oh, and if Gohan is equal to one, then Piccolo is one and a quarter. which really has nothing to do with the rest of the story. Anyone actually check my math on that part?


	4. This Could Get Messy

Declaimer: Well, I know you all wish I owned DBZ, and that put's a warm feeling in my heart, but I'm a kind person and let Akira Toriyama keep it.

Brenman: Here is the kind of awaited chapter of my fic. Have fun, and always remember to look both ways when you cross the street.

Chapter 4: This Could Get Messy

Chi Chi woke up in the morning feeling like a sack of potatoes. She hadn't had a good nights sleep because she had spent most of the night having nightmares where she was being chased around by a giant group of nuns yelling at her about the benefits of celibacy, and one nightmare where Gohan got a B on one of his assignments. Oh the horror. She felt like lying in bed for another couple of hours, but she knew she had to get up. Her family was counting on her to make breakfast for them. Chi Chi got up and realized for the first time that her husband wasn't in the bed with her. 'Darn that man, he's probably out training already.' Chi Chi thought to her self as she pulled on her clothing for the day. 'Either that or he's waiting in the kitchen for his breakfast.'

The crazy housewife stomped down the stairs in a bad mood and stormed into the kitchen. She fired up the stove to begin cooking her sons their large breakfast. Chi Chi was determined to be the best mother there ever was and as such she followed all the rules, and rule number one was that you need a good breakfast or you won't be able to concentrate on your studies. The fact that Gohans' Exams were only three months away made it very important that he be able to study as often as possible. Chi Chi made a note to make the meal much smaller then normal. She had just decided to implement plan C. The Ox Princess began Laughing maniacally until she heard loud laughter behind her. The black haired woman turned around to see her youngest son busting a gut and rolling around on the floor. "Good morning Goten dear. What are you laughing at?" Chi Chi asked.

Goten stopped rolling around on the floor and got up, his laughter died down a second later and he was able to speak again. "I came down for breakfast and you were laughing, so I though something funny must have happened so I started laughing." Goten looked at his mother innocently. Chi Chi looked at her youngest son and began sweatdropping.

'Maybe I should have made him study more when he was younger. He's turning into a miniature Goku in looks and intelligence.' Chi Chi thought to herself. She slumped her shoulders and turned back to her cooking and addressed her son, "Goten, go wake up your brother and tell him to get down here as fast as possible, I want him to take you to Capsule Corp. today before he goes to school." Chi Chi said in a happy voice.

Goten looked really excited by what his mother said and ran up the stairs while exclaiming that he would get to see Trunks today. Of course, he got to see Trunks' almost every day, but he was still excited. Chi Chi could here the sounds of her eldest son being woke up, and then the sounds of him yelling out that he would be late if he had to drop Goten off. The Goten saying cheerfully that he would be more late if he didn't hurry. Gohan didn't seem to have a reply to this statement so he began grumbling under his breath as he got out of bed.

Gohan rushed down the stairs after a quick shower and sat down at the table that was now laden with every type of breakfast food ever invented, but there was less then usual. "Did dad eat already?" he asked his mother as he began wolfing his food down. Goten joined him a couple seconds later and between the two of them, they finished off all the food, except Chi Chis' own in a mater of minutes. Neither of them seemed to notice that Chi Chi hadn't answered any of their questions.

"Come on you two, you better hurry up, you don't want to be late." Chi Chi said and ushered her children out of the house. She shut the door behind them and returned to the kitchen to do the dishes. Rule number two for good mothers; Always keep your house clean. Your children can't study if the house looks disorganized and smells like elephant toe-jam.

Gohan exited the house and heard his mother close the door. He could see his father in the front yard doing katas. Gohan turned to his younger brother to ask if he was ready to go when something caught his eye. Gohan walked around the house and for the first time he noticed the twelve foot tall mountain of Viagra sitting beside the house. 'That's strange.' Gohan thought, 'I don't remember that being here before. It is possible that I've never really noticed it before, but then again, it is right outside my bedroom window. I'll have to ask mom about it later.'

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he saw Goten jumping into the large pile of blue pills while screaming out one word that got Gohan worrying, "CANDY!"

In what appeared to be slow motion Gohan called out to his little brother, "GOOOOOTEEEEEEEN, NOOOOOOOOOOO!" and he jumped after him, but he arrived to late and his brother was completely lost in the massive pile. Gohan Screamed and Powered up, sending a gust of wind out from his body that caused the pile of pills to go flying across the yard.

Goten was blown part ways across the yard, but Gohan saw him stuff a couple last handfuls of the blue pills in his mouth and then got up to walk over to his brother.

Gohan grabbed his brother by the arm when he was close enough and took off at full speed for Bulmas' house. Gohan arrived at Capsule Corp. in a mater of minutes, possibly his fastest time ever. He rushed into the large house to try and locate Bulma, he found her in the kitchen reading the news paper and sipping at a cup of coffee. Gohan ran up and stopped with Goten in his arms.

"Hi Gohan." Bulma said when she saw him come in, "What brings you here?"

"I'm just dropping Goten off for the day," Gohan said sounding urgent, "and I was wondering If you know anything about Viagra."

Bulma looked up and frowned, "I don't know lots about it, it's not like Vegeta's ever going to need it. I don't think it would have any effects on a saiyan anyway. Well, not the desired effects." Bulma looked up at Gohan with a quizzical look on her face.

"How about demi-saiyans?" Gohan asked nervously.

"Gohan, what's that matter?" Bulma asked with a sly look on her face, "Are you having trouble getting it up for Videl?"

Gohan turned beet red and stammered out, "Bulma! it's not like that, geez. it's just that Goten just ate numerous handfuls of the stuff and I want to know what the effects could be."

Bulma looked horrified, "Oh dear." then she calmed down a bit, "It shouldn't be too bad, I guess the only thing that it would do to him would be similar effects as putting him on a sugar rush. I'll keep him here for the day. Just in case. I don't think there should be any lasting problems to Goten, but if he's on a sugar rush, there's no knowing what he'll do. He can play with Trunks when he gets home, and hopefully that will be soon. Him and Vegeta ran off a short while ago, and I'm not sure what they went to do, something about revenge."

Gohan just then realized that he was still holding his squirming brother and he put him down. Goten immediately began trying his best to run up the wall, literally, and her was doing a really good job at it. Gohan watched his brother for a second and then shook his head to snap out of it, "Okay, thanks Bulma. If he gets to difficult to handle, don't be scared to call me up. Bye you two." Gohan ran out of the house, if he hurried he could still make it to school, and because everyone knew he was Saiyaman and could fly. Thanks to Videl black mailing him he had no more secret identities, and was now able to save some time by landing right in front of the school. Also, the teachers weren't bothering him about being late all the time anymore.

-- Back in the world of Chi Chi --

Goku watched his sons fly off in the general direction of Capsule Corp. and decided somewhere in the back of his mind that breakfast must be ready. He finished his current kata in record time and dashed inside the house to clear off the table. If there was one thing Goku loved more then fighting really strong opponents, it was his wifes' excellent cooking. Goku arrived in the kitchen to find his wife cleaning up the dishes in the sink and humming a tune to herself. Goku looked at the table only to find that it was completely devoid of any type of edible substance. He knew this because there was nothing on the table, and he had been really hungry once and tried to eat the kitchen table itself. This was not one of the famous 'Kitchen Table Cookies' (which consists of a kitchen table with a decorative and tasty looking table cloth over top). This was just a kitchen table, and Goku could attest to the fact that it wasn't edible in any way. It wasn't even made from tasty sounding wood. This table was made from oak, and Goku thought that it sounded really dry and tough. Not like mahogany furniture that sounded fruity and supple, or cedar that sounded dry, but sweet.

Goku stared at the food on the table, or in this case, the lack there of. His face fell into a pout and he looked up at his wife who was ignoring him. "Chi Chi, where's breakfast?" he asked in a high pitched whine.

Chi Chi wiped her hands off on a towel slowly and turned around to face her husband. "Goku, I have decided that I'm not going to cook you any more food, until you have sexual intercourse with me." Chi Chi grinned evilly, she was sure she had him this time, or that was at least until...

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, NO MORE FOOD. I'M GOING TO DIE." Goku screamed out in a high pitched girlie shriek. The tall saiyan ran out of the house and Chi Chi watched from the kitchen window as he shot off in the same direction as her two sons had gone a couple minutes previous. Chi Chi sighed. That didn't go as well as she had planned. 'His brain must have shut down before I could say the second part of my sentence. I probably should have phrased that differently. I guess this means I'm going to have to move onto plan D. I just hope one of my plans work before I have to start resorting to numbers to label them. I can just see my desperation now. Plan Q-53 beat self on head with a one of Gohans' text books until; A) I pass out, or B) Goku has sex with me.'

Chi Chi groaned and finished cleaning up the kitchen. 'Let's see, what's plan D going to be? Come to think of it. I should probably get Goku first and retract my statement, there's no way I'll get sex out of him if he's not in the house.'

Chi Chi walked out of the house when all her chores were finished. "NIMBUS." she called out to the yellow cloud. She watched as the little green cloud descended to the ground. "Green?" she said in a quiet voice. When the cloud stopped in front of her, she could see that the Nimbus was indeed almost completely green. in fact the only parts that weren't green was where it was written over with words. Chi Chi could easily see on the side of the cloud the words, 'This vehicle is powered by hybrid technology' and Chi Chi saw that the Nimbus was now sporting a bumper stick that said, 'Save the planet' and another that said, 'speed kills.'

Chi Chi sighed, 'How could hybrid technology be more environmentally friendly then a cloud. Nimbus is about the most environmentally friendly form of transportation in the world.' Chi Chi thought to her self and climbed up onto the psychotic cloud. This was starting to get old. Needless to say, this was the slowest ride Chi Chi had ever taken to get to Capsule Corp. because the Nimbus insisted on traveling at pre-approved speed limits that never exceeded 70 MPH. When your destination is 600 miles away, this can get tedious.

After only three hours Chi Chi got fed up and pulled out her trusty frying pan. Nimbus immediately sped up and was at Capsule Corp. in less then half an hour. Chi Chi smiled, her frying pan was even more useful then she had thought. In fact it was so useful, she would have to make sure that at least one of her future grandchildren would be named after it. If they were a boy, they would be named Pantrick, or if they were a girl, Pan would do.

Chi Chi marched into the house after she had gotten off the Nimbus and it had flown off. She found her blue haired friend in her lab. "Bulma, have you seen Goku?" She looked around the room as if she expected him to jump out of a corner.

"Yes I have." Bulma said in a sing song voice with out looking up from her project. "He's up in the kitchen right now. He was freaking out earlier saying you were never going to feed him again. I take it our plans have been unsuccessful so far." Bulma decided that she would look up then, but only caught the sight of Chi Chis' dress whipping around the corner.

Chi Chi walked into the kitchen to find Goku, Vegeta, Trunks, and Goten sitting around the table all eating. "Son Goku, how dare you run out on me like that."

"But Chi Chi," Goku said once he swallowed his current mouthful of food. "You said you'd never feed me again, and I need my food."

Chi Chi looked at her husband in wonder. The black haired woman only noted briefly that both Vegeta and his devil spawn were trying to suppress their laughter, and Chi Chi assumed that they were laughing at Goku. The housewife growled at them and then turned to her crazy haired husband, "Goku, did you listen to the second thing that I said?" She asked with an exasperated tone of voice.

"Of course I did, but I was way to hungry, and besides, that cuts into my training time." Goku said and then stuffed some more food in his mouth. Chi Chi looked on in amazement, either it was a complete accident or Goku had refrained from using the word sex in front of the children. Well, actually just Goten, Chi Chi already knew that Trunks wasn't oblivious when it came to reproductive methods. Chi Chi was snapped out of her train of thought when Goku jumped up from his seat and ran over to the other side of the table. "Speaking of training, let's go Veggie." Goku grabbed the older saiyans arm and dragged him out of the house and the two took off somewhere to spar.

Chi Chi sighed once again. She had been sighing quite often lately. I guess I better go home then and make preparations for plan D, see you boys later." Chi Chi said and waved to the two chibi's

Trunks turned to Goten, "What was you mom talking about. how does she know about Plan D, did you tell her that we were going to be planning on starting a food fight at the Mc Capsule Corp. over on Satan Road."

Goten shook his head vigorously and shouted out, "No no no no Trunks I never told her. She must be talking about a different plan D."

Trunks briefly noted that Goten was just beginning to wear down from his Viagra induced sugar high. Trunks looked at his friend, "Okay, but I wonder what her plan D is." Trunks said and returned to his meal.

Chi Chi exited the large yellow building and looked up into the sky. 'I wonder what Nimbus is going to be this time.' She thought to herself. "NIMBUS!" she called out. She watched expectantly as the yellow cloud descended from the sky. 'That's funny, it doesn't look weird at all. Maybe it was just a phase it was going through.' Chi Chi smiled glad that that was over, but was it. Chi Chi watched as she thought the Nimbus should be there by now. The Nimbus kept getting closer, and bigger. The cloud pulled up in front of her and she stared up at what looked surprisingly like a monster truck shaped cloud.

Chi Chis' shoulders slumped and she began climbing up the side of the cloud that Nimbus had fashioned into a ladder shape and settled herself on top of the trucks roof. 'I have to get Gohan to teach me how to fly.' Chi Chi thought to herself. "Take me home Nimbus." she said resignedly and held on as the Monster Cloud took off into the sky.

Chi Chi arrived at home in a short while, because the nimbus hadn't been trying to keep a sensible speed this time. Chi Chi stumbled down from the cloud and walked to her house, but something wasn't right. If fact, Chi Chi noticed what wasn't right immediately. Her house was upside down, and the floor was missing, and the house was full of what appeared to be sperm jelly.

"I'm beginning to think that Vegeta and Trunks weren't laughing at Goku back there." Chi Chi said.

Brenman: Did you know that reviewing stories is a good way to reduce your risk of getting cancer. So you all better review.

Next chapter: What will Chi Chi do about Goku? Will she get Vegeta and Trunks back? Will the Nimbus see a psychiatrist?


	5. The Amazing Exploding House

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, and I'm betting neither do you.

Brenman: Hope you like the latest chapter. I also hope that it doesn't punch you in the face while your reading it, but that probably won't happen.

Chapter 5: The Amazing Exploding House

After a very scared yellow cloud, in the shape of a motor boat, had dropped Chi Chi off at Capsule Corp. again, the irate woman stormed around the side of the house and slowly peeked out from behind some rose bushes. The coast was clear. The Ox princess crept out from her hiding place and ran over to the large spherical building in the center of the yard. Peeking inside one of the windows she could see that there was no one inside, and the gravity was shut off. An evil grin slowly made it's way onto the enraged woman's face. "An eye for an eye." she whispered to herself as she pressed the capsulate button on the side of the gravity chamber.

-- Five Minutes Later --

"Woman, where is the gravity chamber?" Vegeta stormed into his wife's laboratory.

"How should I know Vegeta? I haven't done anything to it." the blue haired woman turned around in her swivel chair, "Is there any reason for it to be gone?"

Vegeta was about to shake his head and then stopped. 'I know what happened to it. That harpy took it because we ruined her house, but should I tell Bulma that. No. That would be a bad idea, no reason to make a bad situation worse.' Vegeta stopped his inner struggle and looked at Bulma, who was starring at him. Vegeta shook his head, "No. I don't think so."

-- The Brand New State of the Art Son Family Residence --

Chi Chi was standing in the kitchen getting supper ready for her family and mulling over what to do with plan D. 'Yes, This is the perfect plan, I will use his fears against him. There is no way out Son Goku, do you hear me? No way out. Mwahahahahaha.' Chi Chi raved about her greatest plan to date in her mind, while skillfully avoiding telling the audience what she will do. Chi Chi heard the door open and close and turned around to see her clueless husband standing in the doorway.

"Hi Chi." Goku chirped and went to look at what she was cooking. "Have you been doing some remodeling. The house looks a bit different, but I can't seem to place my finger on it. New drapes?"

Chi Chi stared at Goku dumbfounded. 'There's no way he was this dumb when I married him. It must be all that fighting. He's taken way too many hits to the head.' Chi Chi groaned and turned back to her cooking after deciding that she wasn't going to respond to Gokus' question.

--Back at Capsule Corp. --

Bulma stared at her computer screen. "Well Vegeta, if some one has stolen the gravity room. I can't let them get their hands on all that advanced technology. I guess I'll just have to activate the self-destruct sequence. Besides, serves them right. Stupid stealing jerks." Bulma pressed a couple on the keys on her computer keypad and then sat back to wait.

-- Son Residence Again --

Goku leaned over the stove and reached out to grab onto a dumpling. Chi Chis' eyes flashed as she saw him going in for the kill and she pulled out her trusty frying pan and brought it down on top of Gokus' head.

BOOM

Goku looked up from his place in the rubble of his new home. He glanced at his wife, who was standing over him with a dazed expression on her face and was smoking slightly. "Wow Chi Chi. That was one hell of a swing. I think you destroyed the house." Goku looked down at his feet and began sniffing, "It's just not fair, why didn't you take me instead. " Goku yelled out to the sky as he clutched one of the last remaining morsels of food to his chest. He squeezed the chicken leg. "I promise you. I will never let anything bad happen to you." He cooed to it.

Chi Chi snapped herself out of the trance she had been stuck in and looked down at her frying pan. 'Maybe I should have listened to everyone else. This thing is dangerous. On the other hand.' Chi Chi looked down at her sobbing husband and gave him a swift smack on the head for acting like an idiot. 'Now seems like as good a time as any to try and initiate plan D.' She thought to herself and grinned at her husband.

Chi Chi dusted her self off and pulled Goku up from where he was sprawled out on the metal scraps. "Goku honey," Chi Chi put on a voice that sounded like she was really worried about something, "I was talking to the doctor yesterday, and she says that you have a very rare disease that could cause you to be unable to eat for a couple of days if it's not treated."

Goku looked at his wife in horror. "No food. that's bad. What am I going to do. No no no no. What ever will happen to me. Ahhhhhhhhh. I'm going to die.

Chi Chis' left eye began twitching. "Goku. This condition can be treated."?

Goku instantly shut up and looked at his raven haired wife. "How?"

"Well," Chi Chi began with a smirk on her face. "You have two options. Either you can have sex with me, or you can get this needle." Chi Chi pulled a needle out of her dress. The needle was big. Very big, and it had some sort of blue viscous liquid in it.

Gokus face got a look of shear terror on it faster then you can say 'piccolo is green and has pointy ears and sharp teeth and a very scratchy voice and is smarter then Goku.' (which isn't all that amazing really.) Goku eyes opened wide. "A needle. No way. On the other hand. No food is also bad. Crap. Now what do I do?"

Chi Chi sighed, "Goku, you can also cure it by having sex with me. Wouldn't that be the best option?" Chi Chi was waiting for his answer and hoping to Dende that Goku didn't say no.

Goku got a look a relief on his face, "Your right Chi. That would be the best option. Why don't we do it right now." Goku reached down and began untying his belt.

Chi Chi smiled, 'Finally, and it only took up to plan D. I knew this one would work.'

Goku was about to pull hid gi pants down when he heard a noise from above them, "Hey dad. What happened here?" Goku looked up to see his two sons hovering about the house.

Goku shrugged, "Your mother changed the drapes and then hit me on the head with her frying pan and it blew the house up." Gohan and Goten began nodding and floated down to the ground. They both knew their mother would go overboard one day and blow something up with her frying pan.

Goten looked at his parents and then looked at the needle in his mothers hand. Gotens face turned blue, "Hey. What's with the needle?"

Goku looked nervously at the needle, "Your mother says that the doctor says I have a very rare disease that could stop me from eating. One of the ways to cure it is to take that needle, or..."

Goku never got to finish his sentence as Gotens impressionable seven year old mind took over and he jumped forward and grabbed the needle from his mothers grasp. "No dad, I can't let you die again, I just got to meet you. The needles for your own good." Goten stabbed the needle into his fathers leg and pressed the plunger all the way down.

Goku looked down at his leg and stared at it for a whole three seconds before letting out the loudest scream anyone had ever heard.

-- Capsule Corp. --

Bulma and Vegeta looked up from their extracurricular activity that they were performing underneath the coffee table. "What was hell was that." The both said at the same time. The two of them shrugged and proceeded to continue with what it was they were doing.

-- Grand Kais' Planet --

King Kai looked up from where he had been watching over a certain part of the north galaxy. mainly a certain part that was situated in the living room of Capsule Corp. "What in the world was that noise. It sounded like Goku. Did he die again?"

-- New Panet Namek --

Mori was tending to his garden when he suddenly heard an ungodly sounding noise, "Where did that come from? It was so loud."

-- The Look Out --

Dende and Piccolo were rollong around on the ground clutching their ears as blood pored out of them. "Oh dear Kami make it stop." they both screamed out at the same time.

--Son Family Plot --

The Son family looked around after the after image of Goku had faded away. Gohan waved his hand through the last place he had seen his father. "I've never seen anything move that fast before in my entire life. I think he was moving faster then if he used instant transmission."

Chi Chis' shoulders slumped. 'oh well. There's another plan ruined. On to Plan E.' Chi Chi turned around and went to walk into the house when she realized that they no longer had one. "Nimbus." She called out dejectedly. "You two find your father for me and then meet me at Capsule Corp. It looks like we're going to be staying there for a couple days."

Goten began cheering, "Yay, I can play with Trunks every day."

Gohan looked down at his brother with amusement, "You already get to play with Trunks every day."

Goten shrugged his shoulders, "So, was my statement false?"

Gohan blinked. Then he blinked 563 more times for good measure. "Umm... Yeah, I guess your right." Gohan stared at his brother some more, 'Did Goten say something intelligent? I didn't even know he knew what the word statement meant.'

Goten took off in a random direction to look for his father and Gohan took off in the direction of some friends to enlist their help in finding his run away parent.

-- Two Days Later (With no sign of Goku yet)--

Gohan was out in the middle of some forest looking for his father when he got a tingling sensation in the back of mind. suddenly, 'Gohan, can you hear me?' Gohan could hear Piccolos' voice in his head.

'Yes Piccolo, I can hear you. Have you found him?' Gohan called out and tried to pinpoint Piccolos' location.

'Yes Gohan I have. Come quick.' Gohan took off and shot in the direction of Piccolos' ki. He arrived in less then a minute. He was followed shortly by Krillin and his brother Goten.

The three looked behind the tall green namekian. They could see a small cave behind Piccolo. It looked like it had been hidden behind a dense bush, before Piccolo had shoved it aside. Gohan was the first to enter the cave and what he saw before him was his father in a tattered gi lying in the fetal position trembling in the cave and mumbling something about how the rhinos were out to get his fluffy lamp post.

Piccolo pushed Gohan out of the way and picked Goku up by the back of the gi and slung him over his shoulder, "Come on Gohan, we should be getting back to Capsule Corp." Piccolo took off in the direction of west city and the other followed him close by.

-- Capsule Corp. --

Chi Chi and Vegeta were glaring each other down over the kitchen table. They hadn't moved a muscle in three hours. And Chi Chi was beginning to feel the strain, where as Vegeta was going strong, staring people down was his favorite hobby. Suddenly Vegeta moved and looked outside, Chi Chi wasn't expecting this. Vegeta spoke up to explain himself, "They are back, and looked like the idiots with th..." Vegeta never finished his sentence as he fell to the floor with a large lump forming on the top of his head.

Chi Chi jumped up to go greet the search and capture team. 'Finally I will be able to get working on plan E. If my Ideas keep failing like this I may eventually have to resort to PLAN F12'

Lightning crackled in the distance and animals all over the planet ran for cover. Dun Dun Dun.

Brenman: Good Chapter? Yes? No? Maybe so? And what is Plan F12. Well, your not finding out next chapter, that's for sure. One lucky reviewer may receive a cameo in the next chapter, but I'm not entirely sure whether or not I will do that. If you don't want a chance at the cameo, just say so.


	6. Bondage, Photocopiers, And Cake

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, or DB, or DBGT, or TMNT, or PKMN, or GMC, or anything else of the sort.

Brenman: Here is the next chapter. Sorry about the long wait. I'll try and get the next chapter up sooner.

Chapter 6: Bondage, Photocopiers, And Cake

Chi Chi was formulating another plan. She sat in her bedroom at Capsule Corp. and went over all her options. 'Threatening his food supply wouldn't work. Needles are out of the question, and even yelling at him doesn't seem to have any effect. Maybe he just doesn't love me anymore. No, that would never happen. Goku loves everyone. Because he's a saiyan he isn't aging. Maybe I'm getting to old for him. I should go to the spa with Bulma some time and get freshened up. Some new clothes, a nice coating of make-up and perhaps he'll notice of me.'

Chi Chi got up off her bed and opened her bedroom door. The black haired woman immediately walked into a solid object that she was sure had never been there before. "Sorry mom." Gohan said and reached down to pull his mother up.

Chi Chi allowed her son to set her on her feet, and she suddenly got a new idea. "Gohan," she said in an evil voice, "Could you help me with something."

"Like what?" Gohan asked, 'this can't be good. She's looking particularly evil today.'

"Well Gohan, This is what I want you to do." Chi Chi began whispering in Gohans ear. Little did either of them realize, but just around the corner stood a certain alien prince who, with the help of his sensitive saiyan ears, was listening in on their conversation.

Vegeta waited until he had heard all he needed and then crept away to put his own plan into action.

-- Somewhere Else in Capsule Corp. --

Goku woke up with a head ache, and an empty stomach. "Man, I'm so hungry." the tall saiyans exclaimed and then jumped out of bed to go in search of sustenance. He slipped into his customary fighting gi and opened the bedroom door.

The first thing upon opening the door that Goku noticed was the enormous chocolate cake in the hall way. Goku thought he had dies and gone to heaven, but then again, he hadn't seen any cakes like this the first two times he had died. Maybe they make a special effort for people if they manage to die three times? On the other hand. Heaven has never looked like Capsule Corp. before. So that means...

"CAKE!"

Goku stopped thinking some time around then then and let his stomach take over. He lunged at the cake and began wolfing it down. After one minute of gorging he was so distracted he failed to notice the tall figure rushing at him down the hall. Gohan raised both his fists together and brought them down on the back of his fathers neck. Goku slumped over mid bite and fell to the floor unconscious.

Chi Chi stepped out of the shadows. with an evil grin on her face. "Okay Gohan. Time for phase two. Get the rope."

Gohan walked into an adjacent room and came out a couple seconds later with a coil of rope slung over his shoulder. Gohan picked his father up and carried him back into the bedroom. The demi-saiyan placed him on the bed as Chi Chi walked into the room. The two began to diligently tie Goku onto the bed.

Chi Chi began laughing. "If Goku won't have sex with me. Then I'll just have to try and force him. He can't really be that opposed to the idea."

Gohan looked up from where he was tying down one of his fathers arms, "You know mom. I feel weird doing this. It's just fundamentally wrong. Why did I have to knock him out. Why didn't we tie him down before he woke up?"

Chi Chi frowned, "Didn't I raise you to be smarted then that. If we came in here and tried to tie him down when he was sleeping, he would have woken up."

Gohan looked thoughtful for a second before continuing to tie up Gokus' other arm, "I guess your right, but that doesn't dismiss the fact that we shouldn't be doing this.

The two finished tying the tall saiyan down and Gohan made a hasty retreat from the room. He needed to get as far away from this room as possible, but it was also his responsibility to make sure the hallway was clean. Gohan decided that it was up to him to get rid of the cake. So he began eating.

Once her son was gone Chi Chi sat down on a chair at the foot of the bed and waited for her husband to wake up from his Gohan induced slumber.

-- Somewhere In West City --

Vegeta and Trunks stepped out of a print shop. Vegeta was holding a picture in his right hand and the two walked into a nearby photocopier place. Trunks pulled a piece of paper out of a folder he had been carrying along with a glue stick. He took the picture from his father and glued it onto the piece of paper.

Vegeta waited until Trunks was done and then snatched the paper out of his hands and walked up to the front counter. The man standing at the counter looked at Vegeta lazily and said in a dull voice, "Hello, welcome to Copiers-R-Us. how may I help you today?"

Vegeta handed him the piece of paper, "I would like fifty thousand copies of this."

The man looked at Vegeta incredulously. "You can't be serious. Fifty thousand copies. that would cost you one hundred thousand zeni."

Vegeta pulled out a wad of money and counted out the correct amount and put it on the counter, "Fifty thousand copies."

The man gulped, for some reason he got the feeling that he shouldn't move slowly with this guy around. He just exuded danger, and keeping his order waiting probably wasn't a good idea. The cashier put the money in the till and ran to the back of the shop to begin the order as soon as possible. Once he had started up the machine he ran back to the front, "Sir, your order should take about twenty minutes."

Vegeta and Trunks smirked. Perfect, in twenty minutes the second part of their plan could begin.

-- Capsule Corp. --

Chi Chi was still watching her husband. She could tell he was getting ready to wake up. For the past couple of minutes he had been mumbling about food and twitching. Chi Chi decided to speed up the process. She got up from her chair and went to sit on the bed. She began stroking Gokus' face. His eyes snapped open and he looked around the room for a couple seconds. Eventually he settled for looking at the door.

Chi Chi continued stroking her husbands face, "Goku," she said in a sweet voice, "We're going to have sex now. There is no use trying to stop it. Just try and enjoy it with me."

Chi Chi began frowning and stopped stroking Goku when she noticed that he wasn't paying attention to her. He was still looking at the door. suddenly Goku began thrashing around on the bed, "I want more chocolate cake. Now. Nothing else. Just chocolate Cake." Goku began thrashing around harder and accidentally broke the wooden bed posts off. Chi Chi was never sure after this even if Goku had realized that he was tied down. Her guess would have been that he hadn't.

Goku jumped up from his spot on the bed and ran out of the room, with the bed posted hanging from his limbs, through the balcony doors. Once free from the confines of the room he took off into the air towards downtown West city in the search for a good bakery.

Chi Chi sat on the bed in stunned silence, 'I'm never going to have sex with him again. No. I can't think like that. I have a few more plans up my sleeve. Not to mention, I could use plan F12 if I have to. I guess it's time to move onto plan F now. It is F right. I've had so many plans I'm getting them mixed up now.

-- West City --

Vegeta and his purple haired clone walked out of the photocopier store and looked around them. Seeing as how the street was crowded with ordinary people they decided that now would be a good time to fly to their destination. The two saiyans took off in the direction of Satan City.

They were rewarded with the sound of screams as they took off. The people on the ground all yelling out in fright as a couple people began flying. My these people have short attention spans. Didn't they see all the people flying at the World Martial Arts Tournament just a couple months before?

-- Capsule Corp. --

Gohan sat at the table across from Bulma and Goten. staring at nothing in particular. There was nothing to do. Gohan sighed. he was so bored. Gohan suddenly sat up like a bolt. This attracted the attention of Bulma and the Goku clone. Bulma looked slowly at Gohan before voicing herself, "What is it Gohan?"

The tall demi-saiyan responded, "I don't know. I just got a feeling like something bad was going to happen. Probably has something about going to school tomorrow. I bet my class is going to be told about going on a field trip to The Ox kingdom or something, and then I'll have to go beat up Dende. No biggie."

Bulma and Goten went back to staring at nothing and Gohan got up and left the room.

-- Satan City --

Vegeta and Trunks landed in the center of the city. Vegeta turned to his son, "Brat, do you know where Kakarotts oldest brat goes to school?"

Trunks nodded, "Yeah, mom took me their when she went to do those presentations. You really should have come. The look on Gohans' face was priceless. It looked like he was about to cry."

Vegeta smirked, "That's my boy. Lead the way."

The two began walking in the direction of Gohans' School.

-- West City --

Goku was on his third bakery so far, and he didn't look like he'd be stopping anytime soon. He had eaten every chocolate cake he had come across so far. He had even accidentally eaten a cardboard cut out of a chocolate cake when he was passing the movie theaters. It had been up advertising Mr. Satans newest movie that would be coming out in theaters next week. Mr. Satan Vs. The Evil Chocolate Cake of Death. Sounds exciting.

Goku was currently eating his way through... Never mind he just finished it. Now he's eat... never mind again. He just... oh finished that one to. Now he's running to the next bakery.

-- Morning --

Goku woke up lying on a mountain of chocolate cake in the center of West city. There was a crowd of people watching him, and a squadron of police officers trying to reach him. So far they had all been failing. First the tried to climb up to him to arrest him for stealing the cakes. Eventually they realized that climbing up a mountain of soft icing covered baked goods isn't as easy as they would have previously believed. They were currently trying to eat their way to him. This brought out a whole new motto in police forces everywhere, 'Chocolate cake is the new doughnut.'

Goku watched the police eat the cake for a short while before taking off back to Capsule Corp. On his way to his temporary house he passed his son, Gohan, on his way to school. The two waved at each other, and Gohan stopped briefly, in his saiyaman costume, to inquire as to why his father was covered in icing.

Goku couldn't really give him an answer because he couldn't remember anything from his chocolate cake induced rampage the day before. Gohan just shrugged it off. This kind of thing wasn't really all that uncommon.

Brenman: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter: We find out what Vegeta and Trunks are up to, how it involves Goku, and of course, what is Chi Chis' next plan. Will it work? or course not. Will I be able to come up with original ways for Goku to get distracted. Hopefully.


	7. Gohan's Joining the Circus

Disclaimer: Me no own Dragonball Z. Me named Thog. Me no Akira Toriyama. Grunt.

Brenman: Well, it feels like just yesterday I was updating this story. Well, no. Actually it feels like it's been several months. Because it has. All hail the great and terrible power of the Update God.

Chapter 7: Gohan's Joining the Circus

Chi Chi found herself sitting in front of a plump psychiatrist on a red leather couch. Chi Chi breathed in a sigh of relief at finally getting to cross something off her to do list. "Doctor, my cloud has gone crazy I think. He keeps changing into different objects. First he just started with acting like an airplane, then he got progressively worse. Like turning into a monster truck, or when he was wearing a tuxedo. Can you help me?"

The psychiatrist nodded while looking at her clip board. "Well Mrs. Son. Could you describe this cloud to me. It seems like this may have stemmed from some childhood trauma."

Chi Chi frowned, "I don't know anything about the nimbus' childhood, but it's small and yellow. That about sums it up."

Dr. Quackenburger frowned back at the black haired woman, "No Mrs. Son, you misunderstood me. I think these delusions of a 'pet' cloud stem from something in your own childhood, and I would like to get to the bottom of this."

Chi Chi was about to retort when the aforementioned cloud, in the shape of a hot dog, decided to float in through the door. The psychiatrist promptly fainted and Chi Chi decided it would be a better use of her time if she were to leave and never come back. It was a stupid idea anyway. Nimbus is a cloud, what was she expecting?

-- Orange Star High School --

Videl stood at the front entrance of the school with her arms crossed thinking to herself. 'Finally this stupid author wrote me into this god awful story. What kind of plot is this anyway? Woman wants sex. Let's all watch her fail miserably, and where the hell is that stupid flying dork of a boyfriend? When he gets here, he is in so much trouble.'

Videl stood up straighter as the previously mentioned dorky boyfriend landed right in front of her. "Hi Videl. How are you?" Gohan asked politely.

Videl scowled, "You've got some major explaining to do."

Gohan backed up a step as Videl advanced on him. "Explaining about what?" He asked. He was really at a loss as to what Videl was talking about.

Videl shoved a piece of paper under his nose. "This Gohan." Videl huffed and turned away from the tall demi Saiyan.

Gohan looked down at the piece of paper in his hands and his face paled. He stared at the picture of himself and his mother tying his father to the bed underneath the headline, 'Son Gohan preparing to enjoy one of his family bondage sessions'. Gohan only had enough presence of mind to mouth one word as he noticed hundreds of similar posters around the school, "Vegeta".

Videl placed her hands on her hips, "What was that Gohan?"

-- Over the Ocean --

Chi Chi found herself and her psychotic yellow cloud blasting across the ocean in search of Kame house. Today nimbus was sporting a very cheap looking superman costume. 'I can't believe I'm actually stooping so low as to go ask that old pervert for advice.' Chi Chi was so deep in thought that she barely noticed that they had arrived at the island.

Chi Chi hopped off the cloud and walked around the house in search of the lecherous master of martial arts, and if she were to be lucky, marital arts as well. The sunbathing chair caught Chi Chi's attention as she walked around the house. Unfortunately all she found in it was a sleeping Oolong. Shaking him awake with probably more force then necessary, Chi Chi quickly asked the dumbfounded pig where Master Roshi was.

"Last I saw," Oolong said groggily, "he was trying to race turtle around the house to see who would get the last pancake from breakfast. Of course, I had already ate it by the time he got back in the house, and turtles more then likely not even finished yet."

Chi Chi gave up getting an answer out of the pig and went inside the house. She found the old master sitting on the sofa watching an aerobics show. With practiced ease she switched the television off and began staring down at the geezer.

Master Roshi looked up at what could only be described as a beautiful young woman and his perpetual nose bleed started up again. "Well, hello there gorgeous."

Chi Chi frowned, "Save it Roshi. I need your help. Goku refuses to have sex with me, and I wanted to..."

Master Roshi perks up and cuts the woman off, "Have sex with me? I am one sexy stud..."

The old master never got to finish his sentence as he suddenly found himself imbedded in the drywall with a frying pan sticking out of his gut. Chi Chi stomped over to him and viscously ripped the offending cooking implement from his midsection. "The only studs you'll find in here are helping hold your house up." Chi Chi said and promptly walked away without a second glance.

Master Roshi tried to stand up, but just succeeded in getting more stuck in the wall. "Oh well." he said to no one in particular, "I guess that's about as much action as I'll ever see."

Chi Chi hopped back onto the waiting nimbus cloud, which was mysteriously pulling a camper trailer behind it now. The woman was in a bad mood for most of the way home, 'I can't believe it. That was a complete waste of time.' she thought to herself, 'The only thing I learned was that my frying pan still works.'

Chi Chi climbed down off the cloud as it stopped in front of Capsule Corp. 'hang on a second,' Chi Chi though as an epiphany came out of nowhere and smacked her in the face, 'My frying pan. Why didn't I think of it before? I just have to threaten Goku with it and he'll be like putty in my hands. It's so simple.'

-- Inside Capsule Corp. --

Bulma was busy sitting at her computer trying to figure out how come Namekians have such sharp teeth if they only drank water. She was currently deep in thought when her black haired friend rushed through the door and jarred her from her thoughts with a loud and well placed, "BULMA, DO YOU KNOW WHERE GOKU IS?"

Bulma took a couple of seconds to stop her ears from ringing and then asked Chi Chi if she would mind dearly repeating the question at a more friendly volume. Chi Chi took a few calming breaths, "Bulma, do you know where Goku is?"

Bulma shook her head, "No I don't, but Gohan's in the living room. You could ask him."

Chi Chi frowned, "What's Gohan doing here? He should be at school right now."

Bulma shrugged, "I'm not sure, but he looks upset." Bulma turned back to the computer screen as soon as she saw Chi Chi twirl around and leave the room.

Upon hearing that her eldest son was in trouble Chi Chi had instantly forgotten about her libido lacking husband and had instead switched into full mother mode. Moments after leaving Bulma's lab Chi Chi found herself hurrying into the living room. a cursory glance determined that the room was empty. The housewife was about to head towards the kitchen, which was the most likely place in the house to find a demi Saiyan, but stopped when she noticed a note on the coffee table. Chi Chi picked up the scrap of paper and began reading. 'Dear everyone. I am so embarrassed, I can never return to school and Videl's going to dump me for sure. I'm running away and I just want everyone to know that I found a good job with a traveling circus, but I do wish the lion had fresher breath. Love The Greatsai... I mean Gohan.'

Bulma cringed in her lab as every window within a twenty mile radius was no doubt shattered by the deafening shout of, "WHAT?" coming from Chi Chi, along with a few less savory words. After recovering from her shell shock, Bulma rushed upstairs to see what the problem was. The blue haired woman found Chi Chi passed out on the floor of the living room. She picked up the note that Chi Chi had in her hand and unfurled it from it's crumpled up ball. Bulma's eyes quickly scanned over the paper and she frowned. "For some reason, I have a feeling that this is Vegeta's fault." Bulma said to no one in particular.

-- A While Later --

Chi Chi groggily opened one eye and peered around the room. She had somehow ended up lying on the king sized bed in her room at Capsule corp. She sat up and stretched. The door to the on suite bathroom opened up at that moment and out stepped a juicy piece of meat wrapped in a white towel, with water dripping from his hair and not a speck of chocolate left on his body. Goku smiled, "I see your awake." He began riffling through his wardrobe for something to where. Chi Chi could hear him muttering to himself about his choice in clothes, "No that one's to orange, that's not orange enough, this orange has too much red in it..." Chi Chi shook her head, they all looked the same to her.

Chi Chi watched Goku's towel clad posterior for a couple of seconds before smiling devilishly, "Hey Goku." She moaned, "While your not wearing anything other than a towel, why don't you come over here and we can have some fun."

Goku shook his head and pulled one of his Gi's on quickly, "Sorry Chi Chi, I have somewhere I have to be." Goku quickly rushed out of the room with out another word.

Chi Chi frowned, 'What was that about? Goku isn't exactly a person who works off a schedule.' The house wife racked her brain trying to figure out what Goku could be doing, and one thing kept sticking in the back of her head. 'Oh no, what if he's going to meet another woman. He could be cheating on me?' Chi Chi hurried out of the house quickly and called on the flying nimbus. The little yellow cloud dropped out of the sky and landed in front of her quickly. The woman climbed onto it, barely noticing it looked like a pogo stick today. Chi Chi pointed at Goku's retreating figure flying away, "Follow that man," she shouted, "and step on it."

-- Satan City --

Chi Chi landed on the roof of a building. She would remember to never ride on a pogo stick again. The nimbus had hopped her all the way from west city to satan city with several enormous leaps. After quickly pulling herself together, Chi Chi looked over the edge of the building into an alleyway below. She could see Goku standing in the alley waiting for something. A couple minutes later a man in a trench coat walked around the corner and stopped in front of Goku. After looking around for witnesses the two started a hushed conversation that Chi Chi could just barely hear.

"So did you bring the money?" Mr. Trench coat asked in a weasel like voice.

"Yes, did you bring the stuff?" Goku answered and asked back.

'Oh my god,' Chi Chi thought, 'is my Goku buying drugs?'

"Let's make the trade then." Mr. Trench coat said. Goku nodded and handed the man an envelope. The man opened the envelope and pulled a wad of cash out, quickly counted it, and through it back in the envelope before pulling a chocolate cake out of his trench coat. Somehow. The two men nodded at each other and walked out of the alley in different directions.

Chi Chi smacked herself in the head. She should have known Goku would pull something like this. Buying cakes over the black market. Chi Chi called the flying nimbus back. When it stopped in front of her she sighed in relief at the reclining sofa shaped cloud. 'Good,' she thought, 'I really need to relax.'

-- Elsewhere in Lala Land --

Gohan looked sheepishly at the lion in front of him, and then at the pieces of chipped lion tooth lying on the ground, "Sorry Mr. Lion, but you really shouldn't have tried to bite my head off." Gohan laughed nervously, "Do you want to try doing rehearsing again?"

Brenman: Finally, an update. Hope you enjoyed it.


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